“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.”
-1 John 2:9-11
These past few weeks have been heavy. They have been full of grief and chaos and brokenness. The deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd broke something open in me. My heart has always been broken about racism in our country, but I have generally allowed my grief to stop there. I say a quiet prayer and I am brokenhearted, and don’t know what to do or what to say, so I have stayed silent. In the wake of the deaths of these three people of color though, I encountered this verse. It wrecked me and split me wide open in every good way.
I’m studying 123 John right now, and as I read the definition of “agape” love referenced here in 1 John 2:10, I read that this love is “an intelligent, purposeful, outgoing attitude that desires to do good to the one loved.” When I think about the opposite of this definition, aka “hate or indifference”... I weep... ”a thoughtless, unintentional attitude of disrespect/disregard and non-commitment, a selfish, purposeless, inward attitude that has no desire to do good towards others”. When I look at how I have approached the brokenness of systematic racism in our country, my attitude has not been one of intention or commitment or intelligent engagement or purpose.
I’m weeping now just typing this because the way I have approached the atrocities that our country has and continues to commit towards people of color sounds a lot more like the opposite of the agape love God calls us to in scripture. I have been a part of the problem because I have NO idea what it is like to be a person of color. I grew up somewhat learning to be “colorblind”, but God made His children colorful, and to not see color is to 1. Miss out on the beauty and glory of His image that is reflected in people of color and 2. Not see the way that people of color have been systematically oppressed for centuries. I’m realizing that my lack of purpose and intention in this area means that I am part of the problem, and I repent.
To all my brothers and sisters of color, I am so sorry I have not been more aware of your pain and more vocal about speaking against the evil that systematic racism is. I’m starting this journey by trying to listen and learn, which is why I’ve joined a Be the Bridge group this year as well as educating myself on our broken history and current problem of racism. I want to listen, learn, and intentionally and purposefully LOVE my black and brown brothers and sisters, and I want to start leveraging my words and my vote and my time and my heart against this toxic web of racism we’ve been caught in for far too long. I feel both broken, and hopeful. I’m so glad God loves us enough to not leave us as we are. He is breaking my heart and re-making it in some beautiful ways.
Join me on this journey? Join a Be the Bridge group, and I’ll keep sharing books and resources and conversations that are helping me to walk in the LIGHT in the fight against racism.
